I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize