The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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