Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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