That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
