i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
