You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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