How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
