i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
