Plan B is the new Plan A
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
