Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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