We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
