I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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