sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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