Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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