absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
