i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
