I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
