I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
