Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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