she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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