You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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