I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
