just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
