Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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