What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize