I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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