ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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