this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
