Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
