You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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