if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am one with the molecules
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
