dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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