3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
