guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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