I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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