i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
