woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
