so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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