Need sex. Gaining weight.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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