my mouth tastes like poor choices
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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