32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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