Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
