I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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