So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
