I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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