I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
