I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if only i could text you this smell
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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