Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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