i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
