I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
