In the future we'll all be gay
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let's get the cat blown out
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
