"it" just moved
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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