I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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