i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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