woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize