Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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