"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sober January is a disaster.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
