He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
