so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
