the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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