Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
