In the future we'll all be gay
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think i got beer on your cat.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
