woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize