Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
