And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
