My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
