dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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