Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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