Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
