In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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