I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
you never un-have a 4some
not ubering you a puppy
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
