i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
