God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
